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mind pool reflections
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Date:2006-12-08 19:17

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Date:2006-10-28 17:32

"Thy lot or portion of life is seeking after thee; therefore be at rest from seeking after it."
- Caliph Ali, Fourth Muslim Caliph of Mecca (7th century)

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Date:2006-08-28 20:31

well ...
i can say i've had easier summers in my life.
but i'm not sure i can say i've had more meaningful.

i wrapped up my time at a temple in TO painting buddhas and sharing life in close quarters with the love of my life.


now i sit in my mother''s bedroom in ottawa ... a few days buffer before montreal, and another year of sweets under the sheets ... and a chance of showers ... always.

people matter. nothing else does really.
my brother is sitting in the next room playing guitar .. and i'd rather be with him than here.
so i shall ...

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Date:2006-08-13 10:28
Subject:fragile hearts

a lie:
like a splinter ...
forgotten - to function.
the mirror of illumined green discs ...
call mercy to memory.

I know enough. So do you. It is not knowledge that we lack, but the courage to understand what we already know, and to draw conclusions.

May everyone draw conclusions ...

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Date:2006-07-27 18:49
Subject:still lake

i've spent the past week relaxing in ottawa ...
punky and the joyful land. my dog and doctrine!

i'm finally coming round to the undeniable truth ... that experience is everything. and words mean very little ... without it. and so views mean very little without it ... and since a word attempts to touch an experience ... relay it ... then words can only ever be views. makes it tough to communicate deeply with others. 

i spent an hour in the bath with my lover about a week ago. no words. just steam and touch. felt really really good. i felt the taste of true communication. and i want moooore god damnit!

channels and winds and drops. my subtle human energy body is my ticket out of pain ... and i've been trying to get reacquainted with the Dharma that teaches me such. inspirrrration!!! i need you.

and unselfishly ... attack the demon of selfish concern, while training in higher paths.

Train. and Love.

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Date:2006-07-12 18:49
Subject:spentia dementia on a fella, did i mentia?

under the boardwalk ... down by the sea ... 
i'll be dancin' with my baby ... is where i'll be.

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Date:2006-04-22 09:56


I cower from the bright room and white eyes.
Retreat to the dark curve of my lover’s thighs.

From the cold march down a black street,
I return home to my lover’s lies:

Relax baby, tomorrow we’ll wake up and the world’ll be perfect.
And if it’s not, I’ll fry you taotons, and wake you with milk-spoon-warm caress.

I awake to a frosted window and a faint air of lingering sex.
I lie with wet eyes and laugh with white and yellow day,
softly running my fingers through her hair,
my thoughts through the night:

I kissed you and you kissed me back
I pulled you and you pulled me back
I held you and you sighed
on my back.

The rhythm of your red breaths,
of white smoke and hot wine
that bathed my lust and made it love …
the rhythm beats still in my mind.

The scent of
your sweat, your breath and your sex:
my holy trinity;
object of my adulation, tattoo on my senses,
the scent sits sharp in my nostrils.

You are asleep,
angel with half your pale face
swathed in yellow light
and ever so slightly squinting in sleep.

This is my moment:
the one solitary instant that I would not move from,
never grow sick of and never lose interest in.

My lover lies whole and naked beside me
in honeymoon morning, morn of our union.
My hand on her neck, traces hearts on her chin
and waits like a puppy for her fair eyes to open.

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Date:2006-04-06 17:07
Subject:tether ball

i don't expect anyone to have the patience or the perogative to read this ... but that's ok.
it reflects tuesday at 4:32pm.

plethoric golden evening moons. moons of planets of telescopic fictions. glue
of a history ... i chose to adopt, albeit i was six, and as impressionable as
my mother's cotton slippers, i DID take a leap. i DID close my eyes and let my
left ear guide me to a point; a finite point that revealed itself almost
immediately. i closed my right ear and drank through my left; and ever since
that morning immemorial, kindergarten post ... the tether post has held me, and
stopped my mad dives towards a playful mouse, with the whip of shackles and a
sore neck: spinal cracker ... bent just enough to carry my intellect on pelvic
shelf, and ever-so-clean, with thick mineral wall between it and earth. and
earthly desires. and honesty. and poetry. and murder. for a mistress.
Does it ever amount to anything more than a slice of last night? or a puff from
last year's holy pipe? holy only, because it sits memorial, enabling
inappropriate attention and ooohhh-so-selective journalism? I shall venture to
claim ... rarely. To invest more than ME in media communicative, a feeling or a
moment wherein no self sullies simplicity, sullies experience!
I have no money dear friend. An absolute law, an absolute lie.
A nervous hand ... a noteworthy act of kindness.
OK i take it all back!!! i judged and i doubted and i know now that no-one
knows what they're putting into it, but that it is THAT which makes the whole
show a show, and a piece and a streak of warm sun through frost and modest
glass, to my feet. and it is what i previously thought it was to negate ... and
to smoke ... you. to invite you ... another fleshy vessel into my morrow and
put my ambiguous gas, my wishes, to your clearly defined spark ... to smoke you
and exhale you and you inseperable from my centre. my central channel ... and
the most beautiful blue puffs you've ever seen, slip peacefully through glowing
lips, red. and blue. me. and you.
it IS good. so many minnows. and people with pillows.
it's big, and a sea. and while i love thee, obsess over thee, require thee, i'm
told i don't see ... the other minnows. in my sea. and they all have beautiful
pillow scents, they all have collar bones like snowflakes. no ONE even
resembles one other. and i NEED you?! aahh, the brute knuckled love that beats
down my years and makes me young again: a child at dinner, who sits pouting for
hours, more determined to sleep out forty days at the kitchen table, then to
consider touching the yellow on his plate.

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Date:2006-03-23 15:57
Subject:lower realms

To ponder the possibilities of miserable experience,
or to ignore them to prevent paralysis and preoccupation with the negative ... ? what to do.

At work last night I was aching and shivering with the onset of a flu.
I put my head on my desk and closed my eyes for five minutes. When I raised my head, my eyes could not focus! For about five terrifying minutes, I thought I had lost my eyesight. I couldn't read or see the person in the cubicle next to me.
The panic that overcame me was intense. Not a big deal, as my eyes came back to normal, but it's an awesome example of what I mean in terms of potential suffering.

The truth is, I could lose my eyesight, or a limb or my LIFE any moment! But can I afford to think about such things, while I'm walking through life?

I'm taught that it's good to always be aware of such things, so that life might be used for better purposes and not squandered on sex, spaghetti and sleep. mmmm...spaghetti.

But whenever I really feeel the truth of my own extreme vulnerability and fragility, I freeze in my tracks and grow scared. I've never been one to choose comfy falsities over cold truths, but this seems to be a question of gettin' by. I 'spose I'm not as ruthless a thinker as I think. When it comes down to it, I probably just want a beer and a woman and a meal as much as the next guy.

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Date:2006-03-02 19:51
Subject:There are No Options

I drank coffee tonight in a hot room with yellow walls ...
my stomach full of someone else's evening, purple cabbage, barley and hommus;

My eyes and ears and nose grew fuller than my belly ...
of attention, and distraction.

I grew so hot and tired and full of noise,
that I left.

I left a hot yellow room
of coffee, cinnamon cake and red cheeked students.

Perhaps in my fifty-sixth year I will wish I hadn't.

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Date:2006-02-09 19:31

Last night healed.
Me AND my future.
A friend who always shakes things up,
did it again.
Tea bags of pocket lint, green hommous
and honey on our chins.
Wisdom in petite, rainbow shoes.
First she taught me flexibility;
Helped me touch my toes,
without grimacing.
And then shot confidence deep into my belly,
with a word:

Look ... Life!

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Date:2006-01-27 14:53

For Nicoletta 

You armchair judiciary,
Firing line: my youth;
I’ve no desire to qualify,
For you or any man on high,
My experience: Simple.

Addressed to all who vilify,
The tender shoot that occupies,
That unchecked corner of my mind;
The dogged sprout that will not shy,

From canopies so thin and tall,
Big feathered robes on men, so small. 

I in my awkward baby fat,
Relinquish rights to wear your hat;
The dreadful lid that seals inside,
The juices where the heart presides.

I’ve no shame of what I’m thinking,
When I mount the perfumed evening;
When I seize her floating retinas,
Give her eyelids forced hiatus;
Whisper promise, after promise,
Of my pillow’s hidden promise.

I want Love and love to smother,
Any voice that paints her: Other;
That it might drown the rotting roots,
Of thoughts that keep my passions mute.

For it’s passion that’s before you,
Smells your neck to define virtue;
And in a child’s thrilled defiance,
Heart to head: “Your strength is dying”

While armchair Mr. History,
Smiles down upon me mockingly;
Sees drunken child so painfully,
He hates his own sobriety.

Let’s dance and sing and when it’s through,
I’ll savour that which makes it through;
Through sleep and into morning view,
May daylight show me dreaming, You.

I offer sounds, a trail to meaning,
That Bubbled breath in waters streaming,
Might burst, revealing what I’m feeling:
There’s music, and our stage is waiting.

And if my words fall short of this,
Know that they’re not part of this;
Mere hangers-on to crazy dance,
Catch dripping life from clenched right hands.

To lick the dance floor’s residue,
Is all that words can ever do.


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Date:2005-12-21 23:55
Subject:yule and chops


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Date:2005-11-14 21:31

so i just got a call from casino claude.
looks like i'm gonna working over the holidays as a pilon ... a sexy pilon, but a pilon nonetheless.
standing in the cold all winter, showing gamblers where to park ...
beggars can't be choosers.
i hope it puts some hairs on my chest ... or my back.
school's nuts. mordecai richler and me are study buddies ... forced into supernatural embrace.
and the passive greens of montreal's weathered copper steeples, scrape the sky clean of the city's marshmallow exhaust. frost. it's hard to get lost.

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Date:2005-10-12 17:18
Subject:underbelly of the times

i almost cried into the mirror thursday night.
it was 3am and i was just coming down from a frightening mushroom trip.
frightening but as is always the case ... fear coupled with insight.
my mind was working like a multi-layered metaphor machine! couldn't help but think in poetry ... and make big fat allegory of every little occurrance.
scary though, cuz i lost even the grounding that is my self. saw that even THAT can dissolve.
when was the last time you spoke into the mirror?

Montreal wants to drink with me every night.
I resist like I resisted the chlorinated water of the St. John's Aquarina ... Swimming lessons. Age 7.

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Date:2005-01-27 16:23
Subject:modern-day merit


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Date:2005-01-21 20:23
Subject:strawberry fields
Mood: content

the auspicious umbrella

and its reflection of a bell on the wall

i was a bit spooked, but apparently it's A-OK ...

my latest obsessive thought:

This entire life (and yes, all of its contents) is but a blip ... nuthing to get hung about.

thus, my latest obsessive mantra:


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Date:2004-12-15 22:16

The saxophonist welcomes the audience into his trance and slowly builds the emotion, leading them ever closer to his jewel when, with the passionate wail of a particular note, the emotion is so clearly delivered that the barrier between player and audience no longer exists, is no longer necessary.

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Date:2004-12-07 19:17
Mood: chipper

i'm gonna marry this one!!!


we'll have kids on this dream bench ...

and live happily ever after ... in union with the great mother.


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Date:2004-10-13 16:20
Subject:aspire and retire

i wish i was as confident as i am in my dreams ...

there's never any second-guessing when i'm 'dream-chris'

everything i do is acceptable ... and correct in its very nature ...

mmmmmmm ... dream-chris <

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i wish i was as confident as i am in my dreams ...

there's never any second-guessing when i'm 'dream-chris'

everything i do is acceptable ... and correct in its very nature ...

mmmmmmm ... dream-chris <<like homer simpson says, mmmmmmm ... donuts>>

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