Christ ... opher (kusali) wrote,
Christ ... opher

lower realms

To ponder the possibilities of miserable experience,
or to ignore them to prevent paralysis and preoccupation with the negative ... ? what to do.

At work last night I was aching and shivering with the onset of a flu.
I put my head on my desk and closed my eyes for five minutes. When I raised my head, my eyes could not focus! For about five terrifying minutes, I thought I had lost my eyesight. I couldn't read or see the person in the cubicle next to me.
The panic that overcame me was intense. Not a big deal, as my eyes came back to normal, but it's an awesome example of what I mean in terms of potential suffering.

The truth is, I could lose my eyesight, or a limb or my LIFE any moment! But can I afford to think about such things, while I'm walking through life?

I'm taught that it's good to always be aware of such things, so that life might be used for better purposes and not squandered on sex, spaghetti and sleep. mmmm...spaghetti.

But whenever I really feeel the truth of my own extreme vulnerability and fragility, I freeze in my tracks and grow scared. I've never been one to choose comfy falsities over cold truths, but this seems to be a question of gettin' by. I 'spose I'm not as ruthless a thinker as I think. When it comes down to it, I probably just want a beer and a woman and a meal as much as the next guy.
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